THE REVIEW

TWENTY DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Jim, Annette and Charity joined me Wednesday night, twenty days before Christmas, for our last Meeting of 2018. Unfortunately, Cougar was in hospital and unable to attend. But he did phone and ask if anyone would be willing to receive some of his work by email and critique it for him. Charity and Jim both said they would be willing to do that.

Charity read first, the second part of her chapter, “Dead Or Alive”. Trixie has decided to leave her Ma’s “protection”, and wants to return to her Pa’s hideout and search the pool to see if there is any more gold to be found. She needs supplies but can’t get the young boy in the general store to open up, so she breaks in. Her injured leg is still painful and she needs a burro. She has to get moving because the town is waking up.

Jim said his book, “The Hunt For Jason” can be purchased as an ebook anywhere that sells them online. It can also be purchased now from Amazon.ca as a print-on-demand hard copy for $16.00 delivered to your door. However, he was upset that the hard copy version does not have his tag line printed on the cover.

Then Jim read to us a re-write of Chapter One from “Smart Mestiza”. The re-write is much shorter and starts with a great hook that draws the reader in right away. I think it’s a great beginning.

Charity read again, this time a short fairy tale where a King’s stare turns people to stone. The kingdom is saved when he turns himself to stone looking at his own image at the bottom of a silver bowl. The curse is broken and all others come back to life. This is how not to get your kids to finish their meal! Ha! Ha!

Annette often has to write a short story for church, and she read us one of those. It told of her family not having enough money for new shoes when the children lost them in a pond, or got them caught and shredded in an escalator. It ended telling about her pulling Santa’s beard.

I read “Cold Turkey” from my collection of Honey stories. It was the tale of turkey leftovers being stored in a cooler on the back porch one Christmas, and being destroyed by raiding racoons. I still had thirty people to feed on Boxing Day, but Honey saved the day because he had stored the uncut half turkey in the fridge inside. Jim and Charity remember my reading this story before, but Annette said she hadn’t heard it.

Yesterday I received from Polar Expressions my copy of the anthology “The Way Through”. It includes my short story “Grief Or Guilt?” and Annette’s story “Red Charger”.

After some discussion, we decided that the next Meeting in January won’t happen until Wednesday, Jan. 9th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. And that means the second Meeting will be the 23rd of January. Then in February we will return to having Meetings the first and third Wednesdays of the month. I hope that’s clear to everybody. I will send out my usual reminders.

Here’s hoping everyone will have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year! I will be so eager to get back together again in January.

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

WRITING IN THE RAIN

In spite of heavy rain, four people joined me for a Meeting on Wednesday. Cougar, Charity and Annette were here, as well as new member Chelsey Anderson. We started by giving brief writing bios, and learned Chelsey likes to write short stories and recently attended The Surrey International Writers’ Conference.

I read first, but not a new piece of work. This was a short story called “Fine Print” which was published in 2010 in a short-lived magazine named “Eclectica”. My story was my one and only attempt at sci-fi, or maybe it could by fantasy, depending on your perspective. It detailed a woman returning a male robot she found unsatisfactory in all respects. Due to fine print, she was only allowed a replacement on her purchase.

Cougar has re-written his Chapter 1 and the latest draft gives three different points of view, but the transition from one to the other is more seamless. It ends with Eric questioning his own identity, which is the conflict he must resolve for himself as well as the other characters in the story.

Annette said sometimes she writes as therapy, and then read to us the beginning of a story entitled “Sometimes I Forget To Breathe”. It starts with a first person female character telling of her first encounters with the opposite sex, and then segues into telling about living with a young daughter consumed by raging hormones. As a mother of a daughter, I could relate. Hope to hear more of this.

Chelsey bravely read to us her short story “Hi-Rise Jeans”. It is fiction written in first person and tells the story of a sixteen year old facing an abrupt and heartbreaking conflict between trying to loosen the ties of home and religion, but then confronting the sexual abuse and exploitation of the outside world. You could sense how the girl’s innocence and hopes and dreams were so rudely slaughtered. It was a great story that needs a bigger audience.

Charity read her chapter called “Dead Or Alive” about Trixie. We see her sleeping on the floor in her Ma’s room, in turmoil over what she should do. She knows the Preacher and his son would turn her in for the death of the Marley boy. But if she tells her Ma, her Ma would see to them being killed to protect her. But Trixie doesn’t want anything more to do with death or to become like her Ma, so she sneaks out during the night. Charity promised that Trixie will have a few more bumps along the way before the end of the story.

I asked the group for help picking a new title for my story “Penny Pincher”. As I hope to submit it to mystery magazines, I needed a title that would indicate it is a mystery, as it doesn’t start out that way. After reading out several titles, the one that was picked was “Bloody Quittance”.

Charity said she has started a blog connected to her writing, and is doing more online. She said she often tells people she writes, but felt she needed to provide evidence of that in case anyone was looking online. I think she’s right and have also been thinking of putting more of my writing online, probably in a blog. I have a great number of small pieces that I will never send anywhere, so I may as well put them out for others to read, and hopefully enjoy.

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, December 5th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. That will be the only Meeting in December. If anyone has a Christmas story they would like to read, that is welcome, too. Hope to see you then!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

DETERMINED DUO

Cougar joined me last night for a Ram’s Meeting of two. I know Annette and Jim have been dealing with health issues. Charity had been doing so as well, but was on the road to recovery two weeks ago. Hope everyone regains their health and stays healthy. I did contribute to immunity of the herd and had my flu shot yesterday. However, yesterday was also known as Weed Wednesday, the first day of legal cannabis sales in Canada. I hope that won’t detract from any writer’s determination to create.

Cougar read his next chapter, which was very long. It was a good chapter that showed Eric’s introduction to Elfa’s home and the people who lived with her. At the beginning of the chapter and part way through, Cougar had switched into omniscient point of view in order to deliver information about Iceland, and I strongly recommended against doing that. I felt it severed the reader’s connection to characters and broke the story line. He said he would try to incorporate that info some other way as part of the story.

I read another revised beginning to my story “Penny Pincher”. Then I discussed with Cougar my thinking that I would send the story to one of two mystery/crime magazines. He said if I did that I should change the title to indicate the story would contain a violent crime, as the story doesn’t start out that way. He said readers of mystery/crime magazines are expecting that type of content and I needed to promise them that at the start. He was absolutely right. I hadn’t thought of intended audience when I started writing this story and had no idea how it was going to end. The violent outcome was a surprise to me when I wrote it. The title “Penny Pincher” applied to the main character, not the situation in which she found herself. I think I’m going to go with “Grisly Remittance” or “Bloody Quittance”. Anybody have a preference on which I should use?

I had downloaded “Proper Manuscript Format” by William Shunn and read through it. Most of the info I already knew, but there were a couple of things I learned. It said if you want a line break between scenes, instead of a blank line, center the character “#” on a line by itself. Do this so scene breaks are not lost with editing and revising, because word processing can often hide blank lines if they come at the beginning or end of a page. You don’t want your scene breaks rendered invisible to your editor. And the other thing was about placing your name in the top left corner of the title page, and also using a byline. The name in the corner is who the publisher sends the cheque to, and the name in the byline is who receives credit for the story when it’s published. Sometimes the two are the same, but sometimes the author uses a pseudonym, and sometimes a married woman uses her maiden name as author. Both should appear on the manuscript.

I gave Cougar an article from the Vancouver Sun entitled “10 Ways Iceland Can Kill You”. It was a travel article warning tourists about natural phenomenon that can be very dangerous. I said there were some good suggestions there that could up the danger to any of his characters. Writing tips can come from anywhere.

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, November 7th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Really hope to see you then!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

RE-WRITES

At Wednesday’s Meeting, Charity and Cougar joined me and all three of us read from projects we had been re-writing. It was wonderful Charity had regained her health well enough to attend. Unfortunately, Annette wasn’t feeling well and was unable to join us.

Cougar said he had been working on changing the character Erik, to make the conflict he feels about his trip to Iceland more intense. He re-read the same chapter as last time, with all the changes he’d made. Charity said she could really see how depressed, paranoid and neurotic Erik appeared, so Cougar achieved his goal. I especially liked the descriptions of the desolate Icelandic landscapes.

Charity read from her YA western, “Trixie Trouble”. This chapter was “Georgina Clay”, about Trixie’s mother. Trixie is still recovering from her injuries but wants to leave. Her mother wants her to stay. Trixie thinks Georgina wants the gold from a previous stage robbery and Georgina thinks Trixie knows where it is. There is also a bounty out for Trixie for Brett Marley’s death. Donovan arrives in town for a boxing match. Charity said she had re-written earlier parts of the book to add to the relationship between Trixie and Donovan, that will intensify the conflict that may, or may not, be resolved. Charity is thinking of writing another book to continue Trixie’s saga. In this chapter I enjoyed the portrayal of the mother’s character. She is a beautiful woman who can be kind and caring, or else as hard as nails, whatever she needs to be to attain her goals.

I read my re-write of “Penny Pincher”. At Cougar’s suggestion, I started the story with a scene that included dialogue, instead of the narrative and introspection I had first used. I let Cougar and Charity read both beginnings. Charity, like Annette did previously, said she liked the first writing better. She felt an instant connection with a woman finding the perfect purse at a thrift store. I liked the first version better, too. So I guess preference is a gender thing. Men and women respond differently not only to content of stories, but also to how they are told. That is something to consider when you think of who might be your audience. And I will do some more re-writing on this story.

Next Meeting will be Wednesday, October 17th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope you’ve had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. And I look forward to seeing you on the 17th! Keep writing!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

HOLDING DOWN THE FORT

Annette and Cougar joined me last night for the latest Meeting of The Rams. Unfortunately, Charity is still recovering from her summer health issues, but she’s hoping she’ll be well enough to make the next Meeting. We sure hope she gets better soon.

Cougar read first, Chapter 6 of his novel. It sees Eric arrive in Iceland and describes the scenery and how uncertain he’s feeling about his journey and about communicating with Elfa. The last section of the chapter tells about Aoal being sexually propositioned by the office girl. This chapter was mostly about setting and seemed to be a pause in the story. We suggested that it might need a hook towards the end to keep the reader wanting to turn the pages to find out what happens. I did like the descriptions of Iceland, though, and Cougar said he had spent hours viewing Iceland online in order to tell what it looked like. His words did capture a very bleak looking landscape.

I read another short story I just wrote called “Penny Pincher”. It’s about a female senior who struggles with a limited income but is talked into attending her niece’s lavish wedding, which means an overnight stay away from home. Due to her brother’s involvement in gambling, the wedding turns into a blood bath and the protagonist ends up being grateful for her own circumstances. Cougar and Annette said they found the story riveting, but we all agreed the beginning needs some work. Rather than starting with the character’s introspection, it might work better to have a scene that includes dialogue with another character to introduce the conflict. I will do some work on it to improve things.

Annette didn’t read anything. She said she had started writing a story, but was distracted. She is still dealing with so many things since her husband died and focusing on writing just isn’t happening. It was amazing she showed up last night, and Cougar and I were both grateful for her input.

After our readings, Cougar and I both agreed critiquing the other’s work helped us see what needed doing with our own. That is the advantage of a writers’ group, learning from each other.

Next Meeting will be Wednesday, October 3rd at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope to see you then. Keep writing!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

TRIDENT

Cougar and Margaret Florczak joined me last night for a trilateral meeting of late summer scribes. It was great to see Margaret again after nearly a year. She was definitely looking tanned and fit and happy.

We started with some discussion about Polar Expressions’ writing contest. Margaret had entered and received acceptance of her story in their upcoming anthology, and wanted to know what others had experienced with this contest. I had pulled out six previous anthologies that all included a story of mine, and there was one where I was an honourable mention on the back cover of the book, though not a winner. I have been happy to enter most years as my writing is usually included in the anthology each year, and that gives me more writing credits. Other Rams have also had their writing accepted: Annette, Gemma, and I think Charity might have as well? There are no entry fees, the author maintains copyright, and if you purchase the anthology you will have something to leave your grandchildren. Ha! Ha!

I read first, my story “Grief Or Guilt?”, which is the story accepted by Polar Expressions this year. It was based on a true experience of a friend threatening suicide and the narrator calling police in a different jurisdiction to intervene. But then the friend dies of serious health problems anyway, and the narrator feels guilty for not having gone to see her. I let Bryon, my husband, read this story and he said I can’t complain any longer about slow, sad Karaoke songs he sings when I was writing my own sad stories.

Cougar read to us Chapter 5 in his novel. It starts with the plot-line about the Icelandic police sure they have found a spy. Then it moves to the plot-line abut Eric as he leaves Iowa and heads for Iceland. Eric does a lot of soul-searching and asks why he wants to shut out his uncle, who only wanted to help him. Cougar had said that since he is trying to interweave both plot-lines, it is taking longer and is sometimes more difficult than he thought. He had started with just the story about Eric, but added the second plot to amp up the storyline. This chapter did flow well and wasn’t confusing, so Cougar is succeeding so far.

Margaret read a first person article she wants to submit to a senior’s magazine. It’s called “Younger Now” and the title refers to her feeling more alive and younger and freer, at 71 years of age, than she ever has before. Up until the last couple of years, her life had been all about taking care of others: grandmother, husband, children, grandchildren. Finding love again with her former teenage sweetheart after all these years, has given her new opportunities to live and experience and explore many things she didn’t think she could ever do. This was an excellent article and we hope it sees publication. I told Margaret to let me know what happens with it.

As there was still time left, I re-read “Back-Up”, my short story that I read last time. I had kept tweaking it every few days so the conflict would be more apparent to readers, and Cougar said it read much better this time, that the suspense and the story arc worked well. But Margaret was disappointed that the ending didn’t include explanations about everything that had happened to two peripheral characters who had been mentioned. I thought about her observation and have decided to add a little more at the beginning to make it even clearer that the story is about the protagonist’s dilemma about making a decision, rather than who caused a fire and who might have been killed or injured. Asking questions of the writer always stimulates the creative juices!

Charity told me that I have her permission to let you know she has been absent from Meetings due to ill health. She had been hospitalized with internal bleeding, she said, but is now home and bed-ridden. She says she is missing us all very much.

Annette has been busy with all the end of life duties after her husband passed away and was also committed to another activity on Wednesday. We hope she’ll be able to join us again soon.

Next Meeting will be Wednesday, September 19th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope to see everyone then! Keep writing!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

SUMMER STALWARTS

Annette and Cougar joined me to honour The Muse last night. Also, Erica Evans arrived for the first time, all the way from Coquitlam, to check us out. She said she is interested in writing articles on self-help and decision making.

Cougar read first, and showed us how he had re-written Chapter 1, so the reader wasn’t thrown off by jumps in the timeline. He then went on to read Chapters 3 and 4, which flowed well and kept the listener/reader interested. Erica liked the inclusion of instructions on mindfulness while I especially enjoyed the sense of humour in the writing.

Annette did not read anything. Since her husband passed away last week, she is not into concentrating on anything other than family, grieving, and all the end of life wrap-up things that have to be done. Our hearts are with her during this time.

I read a new short story I wrote this week entitled “Back-Up”. It uses the theft of steel at a construction company to illustrate how tariffs affect the marketplace, and how the simple act of the accountant making a back-up on flash drive of all company files on the computer can offer evidence when someone is killed. Cougar said he thought the story was excellent, with a good story arc and an ending that didn’t drag things out unnecessarily. We did have some discussion about the different perception male and female readers have about how the female character handled things. Cougar wanted to see more emphasis on the character’s dilemma about reporting her suspicions or not, while Annette sensed intuitively why the woman was conflicted about tattling on the boss’s son. Thinking about it myself, I will add info about how uncertain a woman’s job can be in an industry that is essentially still male dominated.

I was in contact by phone with Margaret Moffatt, a Ram who now lives in Quesnel with her son, Marshall. Where they live is high on a hill, but surrounded by forest fires. They are on evacuation alert, all packed and ready to leave at a moment’s notice. At 94, Margaret doesn’t feel like moving too fast, and doesn’t want to lose her home, but says she’ll go if they’re told to evacuate. They will take their motorhome and travel north to Prince George if the need arises. She says the smoke from the fires is horrendous and it is very dark out even during the day. We wish her safety and well-being, for sure!

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, September 5th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Stay safe everyone! And keep on writing, too.

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

BETWEEN HEAT WAVES

Our Meeting Wednesday was between heat waves. Annette, Cougar and Chris joined me to honour The Muse.

Cougar read first, from Chapter One in his novel “The Viking Elf Cult Conspiracy”. It starts out with two people in Iceland talking about their suspicions about a Russian spy. This was third person past tense. It then changes point of view to Eric, a young American who is the main character, talking about graduating from college and not knowing what to do with his life. This was first person past tense. Then there was a section further into the future where Eric is talking in first person present tense about writing his story of what happened after he left college. And then the next section goes back in time again and shows Eric thinking about going to Iceland. The Chapter ends again with the first two characters talking about spying on the Russian spy, but also thinking they must watch out for Americans too. We discussed this chapter for quite a while. As readers, we found it confusing the way it jumped around in the time frame, and had been written sometimes in past tense and sometimes in present tense. We suggested moving some parts around so the story line wasn’t so broken up, and the time sequence not so confusing. Cougar said he already knew he had to be consistent with which tense he was using. The chapter used a lot of very good dialogue and both Eric’s predicament and his reactions showed a lot of humour. It promises to be an interesting read.

I read next, another “Honey” story. This was titled “My Small World” and relates an incident last year when I was in a motor vehicle accident with a semi, and had been unable to contact Honey. It also tells of Honey driving home from the dump and seeing my totalled vehicle being loaded up by a tow truck, and Honey doing a U-turn to ask a policeman what happened to the driver, his wife. Someone who talked to him that day later told me how upset he had been and that he really, really loved me. So nice to know.

Annette and Chris didn’t read. Charity had said she was unable to attend on Wednesday. We had some discussion about when the next Meeting will be. It was decided there will be no Meeting on August 1st and the next Meeting will we Wednesday, August 15th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Here’s hoping the extreme heat will be over and done with by then. Keep writing in the meantime and hope to see you on August 15th!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

PS: Here are four short sentences to illustrate points of view, the simplest explanation I’ve ever seen.
First person: I bought the candy.
Second person: You love eating candy.
Third person: Honey stole the candy and ate it.
Omniscient: Lisa thought the candy was hers but Bryon ate it because he wanted it.

THE REVIEW

HIDDEN EDITORS

Had a great Meeting here Wednesday night. Jim, Chris and Cougar joined Annette and I for an evening where the women were outnumbered by the men for a change. It was inspiring to have their different viewpoints on things that were read.

I read first, my short, short that I have submitted to Polar Expressions. I had read it before, but I think Annette was the only one who had heard it. It is the fictionalized story “Grief or Guilt”, that I wrote about another writer whose health was declining and was contemplating suicide.

Then Annette read her short, short that she is submitting to Polar Expressions. Her story was first person, a mother watching her tween daughter wanting to play in the dirt with diecast cars. Ignored by her brothers, she is finally offered a car to play with by another boy. She eventually comes back inside covered in dirt, all wide-eyed, to tell her mother he invited her to the school dance. And just like that, she went from tomboy pursuits to being a young lady. This was a great story. Annette had titled it “Playdate”, but we thought that denoted much younger children. Annette said she would research the specific name of a diecast car and perhaps use that as the title.

Jim read Chapter 3 from his novel about Emilie. She is still at the meeting for recovering addicts, and passes out from her withdrawal. Mosi tends to her and two other attendees also remain. 911 is called and an ambulance and paramedics arrive. She will be taken to hospital. This episode has profound effects on Mosi and Josh and Doris, all recovering addicts themselves. Since Jim had passed out hard copy and red pens to everyone, this evoked the editor within all of us and we spent some time helping Jim with every sentence. He emailed me later to say that was probably the best critiquing session he’s ever had!

Chris and Cougar both said they weren’t going to read. But Cougar did spend some time outlining the creative process he’s gone through in writing the novel he’s working on. We hope to have him read more of it to us.

We had some discussion about using just chapter numbers versus chapter titles. We seemed to prefer simple numbering. Choosing actual titles for things is sometimes difficult. We want our titles to pique interest, but not to mislead the reader, either. And I chose chapter numbers for my novel that I self-published at Kobo. Since I used the EPub formatting for digital publishing, I found it difficult to format the hyperlinks in the table of contents with words rather than digits.
The next Meeting will be Wednesday, July 18th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope to see everyone then!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

TEMPTATION OF SUMMER

The first day of summer seemed to hold more allure for members than a meeting did! I was here alone Wednesday when Cougar Brenneman, a new member, showed up to check out our group. We sat and chatted for a while and then Annette arrived a little late. She had been babysitting. Cougar is an experienced freelance journalist who is now writing his first novel.

I read first, another new story about life with Honey. It’s called “Copycat” and tells of three incidents where I did something very foolish, and Honey came along behind me and did the exact same thing. And I still don’t know if that was because he didn’t believe me, or because he didn’t want me to feel alone with my stupidity. Annette laughed and said she won’t be able to look at Bryon the same way ever again.

Annette read from another story in her collection about the descendants from characters in “Pride and Prejudice”. This story was about Elizabeth Gardner and Maxwell Duncan, in the 1920s. Elizabeth is a young woman whose father took in Maxwell Duncan, a wounded soldier from World War I, and allowed him to live in their home. Maxwell is disabled and in a wheelchair, which Elizabeth finds repugnant. Her father wants her to go to a dance with Maxwell and introduce him to her friends, and she really doesn’t want to, but finally agrees. On reaching stairs at the entrance, she doesn’t realize he needs help to enter the building, but two young men she knows arrive and automatically offer their help, leaving her nonplussed at how accepting and helpful they were regarding his predicament. This is an interesting comment on how judgemental we can be of another’s disability.

Cougar said he wrote the first draft of his novel with one plot line, and has since decided to add another. So he is in the process of mixing it all together. He’s doing that by re-reading things and deciding to keep portions, or write portions, only if they really grab his interest. This is a logical approach, because if the writer isn’t interested in his own story, how can the reader be interested? Cougar’s novel is set in Iceland and includes elf magic, and he says he is using that magic himself in writing the story.

He read to us an exerpt from Chapter 5, “The Chess Tournament Blows Up”. Nineteen year old Erik accompanies Elfa and Ilya as they enter a large hall where a chess tournament is being played. Ilya is one of the players, Elfa is his girlfriend, and Erik is the outsider who wants Elfa to be his girlfriend. As Ilya plays chess, Erik and Elfa are supposed to use elf magic to boost his mental perception so he can win. They find a back corner to perform the magic from, and become entranced as they do so, but are suddenly stopped from performing by security guards. The whole scene is written sort of tongue in cheek, and along with the teen angst there is lots of humour. This would be a very interesting read and I hope we’ll get to hear more of it.

The next Meeting will be July 4th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. I hope to see everyone then. In the meantime, write on!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

GENDER EQUALITY

Last night’s Rams Meeting had a quorum of two men and two women, a balance of genders for a change. Annette and I were fine, but Luke sported an injured knee and Jim had sliced the tip of his thumb off at work. Charity had said her daughter was ill and needed her attention, so she was unable to attend.

The evening started with some discussion about various opiates and then about the symptoms of ADHD and how debilitating they can be for the person experiencing them.

Luke didn’t read, but instead gave us the outline he had made of all the work he needs to do on his manuscript before submitting it to the agent he met at the Surrey International Writers’ Conference who had asked to see it when it was completed. Luke listed what he needs to do to finish his world building by determining the rules of his society, maps, locations, calendar, technology, religions, foods, magic systems. With writing, he needs to work on character details, scenes and sequels, transitions, plot progress and emotional progress of characters. With editing he wants to cut where necessary first, and then add to the remainder to make it better. And he wants to break up some of the dialogue sections. He’s given a lot of thought to what needs to be done, and with such a comprehensive overview, he at least knows where to start. His approach to this is very organized.

Annette had comprised a family tree of characters based on “Pride And Prejudice”. She wrote a series of short stories killing off these characters. Last night she read to us about Jane Darcy and Ronan Kinsella. Luke said next time he wanted her to read about the character who died of cholera.

Jim gave us all copies of Chapter Two of “SMART Mestiza” and asked us to read it on our own and then give feedback as it was 14 pages long. It tells of Emilia going to her first meeting of SMART, Self Management and Recovery Training, for those recovering from addictions. She meets Mosi, the facilitator, and listens as the meeting gets participants to list the pros and cons of addictions. Emilia feels safe at the meeting, and relates to many experiences of others as they are mentioned. She realizes that with their help, it might be possible for her to stay clean and sober. This chapter contains a lot of valuable information about recovery, much like a brochure on the topic, so I had to ask Jim if he wanted his focus to be on distributing that information, or if he wanted to focus on developing the story, which is supposed to be a romance. He said he thought he would condense some of the information.

Jim also showed us the book cover and the blurb for “Hunt For Jason”, the Coventry Ghosts Book 2. He said it has finished being edited by his publisher and has now gone to proofing.

By then it was 9:30, so I didn’t read my latest “Honey” story. Maybe next time. I told Luke that with his in-depth list of work to be done on his novel, I didn’t think I wanted to tackle another one myself! He thanked me for telling him how uninspiring he had been. Too funny.

Next Meeting will be Wednesday, June 20th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Till then, Write On!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

SEXTET

Six of us met here last night for reading and interpreting of our gripping passages that we all slave over during more than one draft. After a long absence from regular Meetings, Jim Williams joined Annette, Luke, Charity, Darlene and me, and we were pleased to see hard copy editions of his two most recently published novels.

Annette read first and we learn Maxine’s phone call from the hospital was to tell her Jarod was in a medically induced coma and it could be weeks before he is conscious again and able to communicate. She finds herself dreading his long recovery in hospital and then his need for homecare when he gets out. She starts planning to pack for her eventual departure from the relationship, and in the meantime moves into the spare room, which she plans to make her own space. Returning to Jarod’s side at the hospital, she notices Jarod’s hands for the first time and realizes they are not the hands she remembers, even though the wallet is Jarod’s. Great hook for the end of the chapter.

Luke read to us about Galena questioning Goren after he helped bury the bodies, as to why he would interrupt his search for his sister to help bury strangers. He said he had been taught to not let doing important things stop him from doing what was right. He asks her where she would draw the line and she says she thinks that is a choice each individual has to make on their own. They stop travelling for the night and make camp beside the river. Galena wants his assurance he would wake her if he perceives any imminent danger. We asked Luke if he could give us some insight to Goren’s emotions in this chapter, and also some physical descriptions or actions, that would all add to the excellent dialogue.

Charity read to us about Trixie finally waking and trying to rise from the bed. She is astounded by the amount of pain she feels, but still struggles to rise. Her mother arrives and they disagree about Trixie wanting to leave. Even though her Ma says she wants to take care of her, Trixie doesn’t trust her, and tells her there is no more gold, only the two pieces she had brought with her. She fears her Ma only wants the gold that she thinks her Pa had stolen. This chapter gave good background about Trixie’s parents and where she came from.

Darlene read to us about Ethel still at the Council Meeting trying to make her point that the town had enough water and didn’t need restrictions, when an official hydrologist, Leo Rainer, arrives and says Ethel is correct. He tells the meeting the town lies over a large aquifer and they should water their trees daily during the drought. People applaud noisily for both Ethel and the news as she leaves the stage. She goes home without Ralph and when he makes his way home later, he wants to know how she knew there was water. She had seen water welling up in a corner of the yard earlier in the spring. Restrictions were lifted and Ethel’s fines were dropped. And Ethel starts volunteering at Sunnyvale, the home for the mentally unstable, where she had feared people thought she should be living. It was satisfying that Ethel was vindicated and all the loose ends were tied up at the end of the story.

Jim read to us the first chapter in Smart Mestiza, the second book in his Mestiza series. The first one is already published. In this chapter, we meet Emilia, a young woman addicted to both alcohol and oxycodone, the latter having been prescribed for pain after a car accident. Her life had spiralled into chaos. She was estranged from family and friends, nearly bankrupt, about to lose her job, when she tries to quit cold turkey. It has been three days since she quit, she’s shaking and knows she needs help. She knows she has to go to a meeting. This is a powerful beginning and highlights one of society’s biggest problems in today’s world. It’s a timely subject.

I didn’t read as I was still having coughing fits from a recent cold. However, I did inform everyone that the final edit had been finished on “Honey Signed The Waiver”. I had also formatted the manuscript with name and address on every page, as well as the correct page numbering for the front material and for the rest of the manuscript. Then I went to the cover letter I had already written and added one sentence about my recent invitation to Beyond The Border Storytelling Festival in Cardiff, Wales. With all that accomplished, I realized there was nothing left to do, so I simply submitted it to Harbour Publishing. The next day I received acknowledgement they had received my manuscript and they would contact me when a decision is made. I think it’s quite funny and amazing I put together a book proposal from all the bits and pieces collected over twenty some odd years. Again, I want to give a big thanks to Wendy Francis for the help she gave me with the edit. And I’d better thank Honey, too, for providing such interesting subject matter!

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, May 16th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope to see everyone then.

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

PS: Charity told us she has found the perfect place to write at home undisturbed. She folds down the back seats in her SUV, which is parked in her garage. Her husband is watching hockey, but the kids don’t know where she is and walk around the house calling for their Mom. Too funny!

THE REVIEW

SPRING AT LAST

Finally had some dry weather this week and there were five of us at the Meeting here on Wednesday. It was wonderful to see everyone!

Charity read first from “Trixie Trouble”. Trixie’s Ma saves her from any further beating by Mundy when she shoots him in the arm. Trixie is moved upstairs, the doctor is called, her wounds are addressed and she’s given morphine for the pain. When she’s healed enough to notice things, she sees a tattoo on her collarbone that hadn’t been there before, and knows her Ma has claimed her as her own and Trixie is furious. We are relieved Trixie isn’t being hurt anymore, but we want to know if she is being saved or if she’s being used?

Luke read to us about Goren and Galeena reaching the river, where he retrieves his boots and then they travel further, in search of his sister. As they proceed, Goren tires of Galeena constantly asking questions about everything. When they reach Tunnel Road, they discover the Inn has been destroyed and Galeena admits that is where she woke up in the earthquake that morning, something she remembers. Goren searches through bodies and ruins for his sister, but doesn’t find her. He and Galeena help others look for survivors in the ruins, and then also help bury bodies. This is a very sad chapter looking at the devastation after a natural disaster.

Darlene read to us more about Ethel and Ralph and the saga of watering restrictions. Due to all the protests about the restrictions, a public meeting is scheduled at the City Hall, where registered parties may voice their opinions. In a dress embroidered with vines and fruits, representing her love of gardening, Ethel heads to City Hall, with her husband protesting her attire and objectives. He sits in front and leaves her at the back of the room where she has a young man present her slides, showing the hypocrisy of the establishment. The whole meeting hilariously degenerates into total chaos. This is an excellent depiction of democratic foibles and follies.

Annette read to us about Maxine being in a hospital lounge, extremely upset that Jarod doesn’t remember her. Instead of going home, she drives to the big store where she works. Her boss, Carl, wants to know if she has left Jarod and when she says Jarod needs her, Carl really pushes her to dump the guy. In her present state, Carl won’t let her work out front, but sets her to work in the back of the store. When her cell phone rings, she sees it is the hospital calling. That was a good hook to end the chapter and keep readers turning the page. We have seen Maxine torn between wanting her freedom from a bad relationship, and feeling duty-bound to help a man who is not yet able to look after himself. That’s a tough dilemma.

After a previous discussion with Annette about murder stories and how to commit a perfect murder on paper, I decided to read my short story “Sandy The Sailor”. It’s about the older sister of a young exotic dancer who had committed suicide after contracting Aids from a sexual encounter she was forced to endure in order to collect her pay for dancing. To get revenge, the older sister takes up stripping and sets in motion the events that kill the evil bar owner. Darlene said it was a good story and I should send it out somewhere. Bryon had given me the details of how to engineer the murder. I wrote this about 15 years ago and hadn’t looked at it for at least 5 years. It’s amazing how much work I’ve collected through the years. Is that good or bad?

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, May 2nd at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. I know the sun is coming out before then, but don’t get sidetracked by it. Write on, Rams!!!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW

There was a very interesting Meeting here last night. Charity was unable to attend. Annette became ill and we wish her a speedy recovery. Luke is probably still packing/moving house. And Chris is stuck in a bi-weekly parenting schedule that doesn’t sync with our schedule for Meetings. I wasn’t able to reach Darlene to tell her it might be just the two of us, so she arrived. Thankfully, Jessica Taylor also arrived at the door. We first talked about a year ago, but this was the first time we met. So the three of us spent two hours filled with readings, discussions and lots of laughter.

I have been working on my collection of ‘Honey’ stories and am two thirds done this final edit. After discussion at the previous Meeting, I decided to re-read some of these stories at Meetings. Last night I read “The Best Thing”, the first story in the manuscript, but probably the last one I had written. It’s about how I met Honey (Bryon), and how we became a couple. Darlene said it sounded polished, and that’s most likely because it was one of the last stories I had written over a twenty year span. When I put all my stories together, I needed something to start the book and let the reader know what to expect. One would hope my writing had improved after twenty years!

Darlene read the next section of her story “Watering Restrictions”, about wife and husband, Ethel and Ralph, having different views about a recent local by-law that limited watering. We hear they have reached Phase 3 of the restrictions, which means hand watering only, and Ethel is still watering beyond the restricted allowance and Ralph catches her at 3:00 a.m. Somebody hangs signs on the city’s dying trees decrying the restrictions. Then Ethel discovers fines for defying restrictions tied to her trees. There are water outages at City Hall and the administrative staff all walk out and Council has to find a different venue for meetings. Ethel complains to a TV news crew and Ralph gets mad. Ralph and Ethel stop talking. One day he hears her voice, but only from the TV. We were all laughing by this point. I see shades of Desi and Lucy, or Ralph and Alice, in this depiction of marital disagreement. Very funny.

Jessica didn’t bring any of her writing to read, but gave us verbally her own background story about falling in love at first sight and then eloping to marry an American Marine. In true military fashion, they have detailed plans for how to proceed so they may eventually find themselves living together in one country, without the prospect of deportation for one or the other. Jessica says a lot of her writing has been personal memoir about lessons learned through living, and she hopes to improve her writing abilities, as do all of us. If she can write a story as engagingly as she tells one, she is well on her way.

So after considering what was read and discussed last night, it was apparent most of our writing was based on personal experience, usually with our significant other. That’s when I said the adage for writers might be true: Write what you know!

We had some discussion last night about changing dates for Meetings. We were thinking that instead of meeting the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the month, maybe we should meet every other Wednesday, and pick the be-weekly schedule that would coincide with Chris’s parenting schedule. What do members think of that? Let me know what you think, and we’ll discuss this some more at the next Meeting.

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, April 4th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope to see you then!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

MY APOLOGIES

Charity, Darlene and Annette joined me last night for us to read our work and discuss writing and life in general. Luke said he was busy packing for a forthcoming move and we all know how daunting that can be. Chris would like to make the meetings, but his parenting schedule comes first. We know what that’s like, too. All you can do is just keep writing in the meantime.

My apologies go out to Charity. In the previous Review, I omitted mention of Charity’s reading at the last Meeting, posted the Review and sent out the link to everyone. Charity read it right away and noticed the omission. Later that day, I awoke from a nap suddenly, realizing the mistake I had made and promptly corrected it, including mention of Charity in the Review. But I didn’t send out an announcement about it, hoping no one had read it yet. I was too late. So I apologize sincerely. My only excuse was that I was tired that day, or you can blame it on advancing years. I am sorry.

Last night Charity read first from Trixie Trouble. It was a detailed chapter about Trixie being tied up in the cellar of the saloon. Mundy and Carmen want to know where the rest of the stolen gold is hidden, thinking she knows where it is. They recognize her Pa’s gun. She refuses to tell them anything and they start beating her. The saloon owner arrives and stops the beating. The saloon owner turns out to be Trixie’s Ma. Great way to end the chapter, which had been full of gruesome happenings.

Darlene read the next section of her story “Watering Restrictions”. Ethel is against newly passed watering restrictions because she has a very “artistic” garden. Neighbours think she uses too much water. Her husband Ralph loves his wife but wants to get along with everyone. Ethel starts watering before and after allowed watering times. When a By-law Officer starts watching her sprinkling one day, she offers him a coffee. This story gives us a picture of the challenges home owners in suburbia face during a hot, dry summer.

Annette said she had started writing stories based on her life. She also said it was because I told her she should do so. The title (just this one story or the collection?) is “Bringing Up Grandma”. Annette’s Grandmother died in 2001, and Annette had to read a eulogy at her funeral. We learn Grandma had moved to B.C. from Saskatchewan and lived in the Aldergrove area. She outlived her husband. She loved going to church, and prayer was her answer to most problems. And we also learn she had mothered Annette for the first two years of her life. This is a good depiction of a definite character and we hope to hear more, especially since Annette told us she had left things out!

I read a new short story I wrote last week called “Caller Unknown”. This story is straight fiction. I had used a writing prompt that said ‘tell of ending up with the wrong cell phone’. The story tells of a young woman retrieving a cell phone her friend left behind at a Karaoke bar, and ending up being stopped by police who are tracking the friend through the phone. Charity said she wanted to know more about the point of view character and Darlene wanted to know what had made the two women friends. So that made me realize the story needs more work. I think I want to emphasize how two people from similar backgrounds can make different choices in life and end up going down totally different paths. I usually want to make a point of some kind when I write a short story, whether it’s a true story or not.

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, March 21st at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope to see you then. And if you’re suffering a writer’s block, be sure to go out and kiss the Blarney Stone on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17th!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

LET IT SNOW!

In spite of the snow, and threat of snow, there were five of us here Wednesday night invoking The Muse. Charity, Luke, Annette and new member Darlene Schmidt joined me for an inspirational meeting.

I read first, a new short story of 750 words I had written last Monday. It is based on a true story, but greatly condensed and fictionalized. I plan to send it to the contest at Polar Expressions this year. The story is about an elderly writer who, along with her husband, is moved away by their son so he can look after them. But they are both seriously ill and life becomes complicated and devastating before they both die. The story is told by a third party (another writer) who goes back and reads related emails. The ending is very sad. Charity said she liked learning about the challenges that confront some elderly people. Darlene said the ending made her gasp. And Luke said the elderly lady reminded him of his grandmother.

Charity read from Trixie Trouble and we see Trixie being mistaken for a boy as she is fed by the tart at the hotel. Trixie is challenged by a man called Mundy and she shows she can shoot the gun she carries. As she waits for the doc to arrive, she drinks her coffee and feels faint and passes out. The poor girl is beset by one disaster after another. Will she survive?

Luke read the next scene with Goren and Galeena arriving back at his earthquake demolished home. He tries making plans about food and where they should go, but she is hovering and asking questions and he gets annoyed and tells her to take his cloak to wear. She sets about tearing it up and fashioning a useful outfit out of the cloak, and then makes herself shoes to wear. She knows how to do this, but doesn’t remember how she knows. They need to travel back to the river to get his boots.

Annette read the next 200 words at the beginning of Chapter 11. Maxine learns that after tests and a CT scan, Jarod has no serious brain problems, and can still answer questions by blinking his eyes. But he still doesn’t know his name, or where he lives, or who Maxine is. And nobody knows why. Annette asked us to suggest ways she could prevent this character from communicating who he really is. I had already suggested that as well as his jaw being wired shut, he should have a broken arm so he can’t write. And we thought maybe he could develop an adverse reaction of some kind to the medication he is getting. We could really make the poor guy suffer. 

Darlene read to us the first section of a 10,000 word short story she has written entitled “Watering Restrictions”. A husband and wife are at the dining table discussing watering restrictions and local politics, but their opinions are diametrically opposed. He sounds pragmatic and practical while she sounds reflective and romantic. They made me laugh. We look forward to hearing more of this disparate couple.

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, March 7th, at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Looking out the window at all the snow, I am hoping we will have a complete wintermelt before then. And may The Muse be sure to answer your call!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

A TEENAGE GHOST, A TEXAS TART AND MEMORY LOSS

Fabulous Meeting of The Rams last night. Charity, Luke, Annette, Chris, and Jim Williams joined me and contributed to a writer’s feast of storytelling.

Jim read first from his now published Young Adult novel, “Haunting Of The Wired Monk – The Coventry Ghosts Book 1”. In the prologue we see teenaged Leanne killed in front of a coffee shop where she wants to stay to thank the two ladies who tried to save her. Then in Chapter 16, we see the kitten Sara die and decide to stay with Leanne. The two ghosts become the haunts at the Wired Monk coffee shop, in ghastly, ghostly cahoots everafter.

We learned from Jim that this book has been published as an eBook at www.divinedestinies.com and is available at all eBook retailers. It is also available as print-on-demand at Amazon. Jim also has a romance being published by another imprint of the same company. It is “Quadratic Equations” published at www.extasybooks.com with an estimated publishing date of January 26, 2018.

We wish Jim continued success with his writing career and thank him for his time sharing his experience with us.

Luke read more from his novel, and we see Goren and Galeena (who doesn’t remember her real name) leaving the river and trekking to his home. Along the way, Goren realizes she is not from the same tribe as him, and he keeps trying to determine what tribe she belongs to. Sometimes she’s childlike, and sometimes like a stealthy hunter. This chapter is being used to help build the world that Goren inhabits.

Annette read Chapter 10 that shows Maxine back in Jarod’s hospital room now that he has regained consciousness, but he ignores her. His jaw is wired shut, so he is asked by the nurse to use eye blinks to answer yes or no questions. He answers no when asked if his name is Jarod Foster, yes when asked if he remembers the motorcycle accident, and no when asked if he remembers Maxine. Maxine fumes at being so easily forgotten. Maxine is dealing with a lot of emotion in this chapter.

Charity read the next chapter in “Trixie Trouble”. Trixie enters the town of Shaughnessy at night and then collapses in an alley. A tart tries to go through her pockets and belongings, but Trixie awakes and challenges her. She asks the woman to get her a room, a bath and a doctor in exchange for a gold coin.

Chris read Chapter 2 from “It’s Hot And It Burns”. His male character with memory loss goes through the brown paper bag as the SUV that dropped it off disappears into the desert. Inside the bag he finds enough rations for another day, and a pencil and notebook with “Konfessions” written on the first page. Also in the bag is a roll of toilet paper, which seems ludicrous as he fights against the sudden, overwhelming need to defecate, trying not to spoil his only clothes. His war within seems excruciating and hilarious. We could all see him standing stiff-legged, all alone in the middle of the desert.

I did not read anything last night. My thanks go out to Wendy Francis, another Ram who is unable to attend our Meetings, who graciously did an extensive edit of “Honey Signed The Waiver” for me. She caught all sorts of things that needed correction, such as repeated use of distinct words in the same story, an inconsistent number of cats attributed to my household from story to story, and changes needed from present tense to past tense. I think she spent a lot of hours doing this for me and I am extremely grateful. It’s amazing what another set of eyes can see.

The next Meeting will be Wednesday, February 7th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place. Hope to see you then and may The Muse haunt you like a wanton woman so you won’t forget how much you love to write her words.

Lisa A. Hatton
Author

THE REVIEW

OFF TO A NEW START

For the first Meeting of 2018, Kay, Roger, Annette and new member Chris Wnuk joined me last night. We started with my handing out some printed reminders. One was the definition of story structure contained in one paragraph which succinctly condenses the mythical story structure for easy reference. The other two handouts were about critiquing and all the elements of story to consider both as a reader and as a writer. It’s sometimes helpful to remind ourselves of what we should pay attention to in our writing.

I also read a short, short story of mine which is about an actual phone call I received from a woman asking about the writers’ group. She was a teacher of creative writing and was disgusted we were mostly a support group and then she hung up on me. I had written the story many years ago, but some points in it are worth looking at again. And I do say that everything that happens can be fodder for a writer. The bumper sticker on my filing cabinet says “WRITERS HAVE THE LAST WORD”.

We also looked at writing goals for the coming year. Kay said she wants to be done production of her screenplay by summer and hopefully see it marketed, and she also wants to finish her second script. Chris is aiming to find an agent for his novels. Annette wants to finish her current novel and work to getting it published. I want to find a publisher for “Honey Signed The Waiver”. And Roger said he wants to find a publisher for his novel and get a sizeable advance for it. We will look back at our goals next January to see what we’ve accomplished.

Kay talked to us about the use of culture and cross-culture in her script for “Porcelain”. She wants to portray how diverse the cultural backdrop of Vancouver is without her story being too “busy”. We had an interesting discussion on how culture is portrayed in different movies and TV shows.

Roger read from Chapter 1 of his literary novel (as yet unnamed), which he said has been a 3 year project so far. He asked for feedback on the development of the two characters in this chapter, and their interaction with each other. We commented on the sexual innuendos in their meeting, and the male character seeming egotistical while the woman seemed to take charge. I thought the male might be bi-polar. Kay and Chris both asked for more visual description of the male character. I asked for a time frame for the story. Roger said the chapter title included the year, so that provided the time of the story for any reader. The personalities of both characters were very evident in this chapter.

Chris read the first chapter of his comedy/thriller novel “It’s Hot And It Burns”. We see the main character waking up alone on a flat desert with only a tarp shelter, military cot, and one bottle of water. He has no memory of who he is or how he got there. This story is first person, present tense and the tension is palpable right from the start. This chapter grabs the reader right from the start and then also ends with a hook.

Annette didn’t have anything to read. She was tired after a stressful week over her husband’s ill health.

Charity said she was unable to attend last night as she had a cold. Carolynn said it was her husband’s birthday but hopes to attend later this month.

At our next Meeting, Wednesday, January 17th at 7:00 p.m. here at my place, former Rams member Jim Williams will be attending and reading from his newly published YA book “Haunting Of The Wired Monk – The Coventry Ghosts Book I”. Jim also said he’s willing to discuss the steps in the publication process that he went through with our group as well.

Hope to see everyone on the 17th. Take care and stay healthy and may all your goals be met this year!

Lisa A. Hatton
Author